I turned at the Fame Factory gate

My eyes are glued to the television screen as I watch each episode of Fame Factory in 2002. This Swedish reality show is a new form of music talent competition that truly intrigues me. Instead of watching it as entertainment I'm considering to apply. For some time I seriously consider if should stop wearing glasses and perform eye surgery in order to fit in as a musician. Perhaps I should change all my clothes as well. I can't stop thinking about it.

I get to know where the final audition will take place. With a beating heart I enter the room to discretely observe it all. It is quite dark and nobody notices me as I'm placing myself close to a true "VIP", one of the main gatekeeper of the Swedish music industry. Why? I hope that this will provoke some kind of understandable reaction within myself so that I can decide whether if I should audition or not. My heart beats even louder at this point.

Suddenly I freeze and feel a very strong urge to disappear from the scene without a trace. I get the insight that auditioning to participate would turn me into someone else and that would make me really unhappy. It's like the scene where Frodo in Lord of the Rings chooses to use his invisibility cloak to escape. I do my best to silently sneak out of the audition room and after some time I am finally back home.

This is a defining moment for me. From this point I decide that participating in a talent show is not my cup of tea. Somehow I need to find another path. Without knowing where to go next I feel at peace for the first time in a long while.